Friday, 9 June 2017

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

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This movie was directed by Espen Sandberg

The opening sequence sees Jack Sparrow attempting to steal a safe from a bank. The plan goes wrong and they end up dragging the whole building through the town whilst a very drunk Jack tries to run behind, to look at, it was staggering.

Will Turners son, Henry, wants to break his fathers curse and sets out, with the help of Jack to find the Trident. The pirates in this movie have awful teeth so i was disappointed to discover the trident they were looking for was not chewing gum.

Carina Smyth is an accused witch and helps navigate the pirates to the Trident. They asked her to direct them and Espen Sandberg said “that’s my job”.

Before they make it to their destination they are confronted by an old enemy of Jack Sparrow, the cursed Captain Salazar. Salazar is spanish, which must be confusing as a sailor, as when asked ‘do you like the sea?”  he would reply “sí” to which the response would be ‘yes the sea, do you like it?” and he’d go “sí” which would result in a frustrated “yes the sea, DO YOU LIKE IT?’

I enjoyed the movie, I thought it was better than the previous 3. I give it 7 Marks(immons) out of 10.

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

Fast and Furious 8

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Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson star in this movie, neither have much hair but the Rock is boulder.

The gang are back but this time Dom Torreto is being blackmailed by cyber terrorist, Cipher. Computer geniuses using their skills to take over the world has been done so many times before, its hack.

The rest of the gang need help to find Dom and bring down the bad guys and they find this in government agent, Mr Nobody, played by Kurt Russell. Im not sure what the hierarchy is but Mr No Body is the Head.

At the end of the movie there is a great scene where the cars are racing a submarine, the franchise is known for showing underground racing.

I give this movie 7 Marks(simmons) out of 10.

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

The Founder

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This is a story about how a milkshake machine salesman turns Macdonalds restaurant into a huge franchise, in both jobs he causes a stir.

Ray Kroc, played by Michael Keaton, is so blown away by the speedy service at the Macdonalds brothers small take away that he want to open a chain of the fast food restaurants all over america. Its the perfect fit because if a Kroc did open a restaurant you'd expect the service to be snappy.

He is told how the brothers designed the restaurant to achieve food to customers within 30 seconds of their order. They would rehearse the process using a tennis court marked in chalk. I think a tennis court is a great place to practice serving.

I told my mate about the movie up to the point where Kroc buys land to build on, he said "plot" and I was like "Ive just told you what its about!"

I give this movie 6 marks(immons) out of 10.

Sunday, 12 February 2017

Hacksaw Ridge

I'm glad it was about Second World War as I think First World War trench movies are over the top.

God fearing Desmond Doss, played by Andrew Garfield, joins the army as a medic. He lands himself in trouble for refusing to Bare arms, which is weird because they are all wearing long sleeves.

For a movie about a pacifist this is rather Gruesome. Director Mel Gibson showcases some very violent scenes including a flame thrower burning men alive, these scenes are very believable, I'm guessing the actors put themselves out.

All of the many scenes where soldiers take bullets to the head are well shot.

Despite being horrifically bullied by his squadron, Doss single handedly rescues dozens of the soldiers and lowers them off of a cliff to safety, after that they couldn't help but look up to him.

I give this movie 8 Marks(immons) out of 10.

Sunday, 16 October 2016

The Girl on the Train

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On Saturday I watched The Girl on the Train, then got off and went to the cinema.

In this movie Emily Blunt plays a very drunk woman called Rachel, her performance was staggering.

She is jealous of her ex husbands new family. She decides to deal with this by watching them from the train to New York, which is one way.

Its a psychological film about stalking and its quite easy to follow.

I give this movie 7 Marks(simmons) out of 10.

Sunday, 3 July 2016

Independence Day 2 - Resurgence

The people of earth have to defend against another alien attack.

I heard that Will Smith had been cut but it must have been a bad cut because he's dead.

A little way through the film we see the aliens using advanced technology to penetrate the earth and harvest its molten centre, and I thought cor!!

They do this going from world to world and they seem to know what they are doing so they must planet. 

The aliens are also looking for a sphere containing information that threatened their existence. Later on this sphere is being chased so you see it has an important roll.

When chasing the sphere the queen alien tries to squash the humans with her massive feet, what is it with the queen and stamps?

I give this movie 5 marks(immons) out of 10.

Thursday, 30 June 2016



This movie is about a boy that loses faith in Christmas and accidentally summons Krampus.

 Krampus is a demon version of Father Christmas, Father Christmas is sometimes known as Saint Nick, so you might say Krampus is Demonic.

Like Father Christmas he drives a sleigh but unlike him he has horns, which means that other sleigh users can hear him coming.

He starts killing the boy's family one by one with the help of his evil toys. There's a ginger bread man,  a jack in the box and killer elves, these were really scary which makes sense as elves have always been quite eary.

In the end they wake up and think it's all been a dream but then discover that they are trapped in a snow globe, as you can imagine they were shaken up.

I give this movie 5 marks (immons) out of 10